Trolling By: Gremlik The Grump

Here’s my comfortably late 3E 2018 thoughts.  All Three Conferences were about as entertaining as Paint Drying Tutorials on Youtube Red.  I heard Bethesda’s was quite the spectacle, but i was already burnt out from the flutes, and seeing the same games several years in a row.  Its like the NBA Finals you know who’s playing, why watch?  I kept looking for Kazooie to show up, but of course she never did.  Days Gone sounds like a soap opera you’d put on to keep Grandma entertained.  Xbox had stuff, and Nauseating Green lights to boot.  Too much! A Battletoads Sequel? Like my ex-wife, too little too late.  Another Forza Game? I haven’t even finished Horizon 2.  They need to give that Series a rest.  The Smash Bros Conference was predictable, i think they could have centered the show around the game more than they did.  Wasn’t nearly enough coverage there.  Super Mario Party, well that’s one party I wont be RSVP’ing.

Gremlik’s Smash Bros. Ultimate Character Demand List

Here are the Characters I will see in Switch Nintendo’s Smash Bros, or else!

Jumpman

He could use his cape and fireball. #PlumbersCrack

Luigi

Mean Mug and a swagger like no other.

Jigglypuff

Great voice.

Yoshi

Green like Gremlik.

Pikachu

One of the more tolerable Digimon.

My Neighbor Jeff

Jeff is a hoot at Country Festivals, would be exceptional on switch.  Believe me.

Metroid

Never beat any of her games, so this would be payback for me.

Gremlik The Grump

My strong following on Myspace and Friendster demands it.  Give the people what they want to see.

Captain Mario

Have him throw Walgreens coupons and ibuprofen at enemies.

Zelda

I dig his Master Sword.

James Brown

The Godfather of Soul has to be there.

Wario

He’s a Nice Guy.  It would be great to have a positive role model in the game other than myself.

I expect every one of these to make the list!

Too Human HD Remastered + Announced

Couch Barbarians, Suit up! Grab The New in Too with this (4k Enabled) Triple-Layered Disk.  Enjoy the unchanged loading sequences and sublime controls.  Those who dig Norse in their mythology can enjoy Too Human HD Remastered + Kick Kratos to The Curb for only $44.98.

Just for Men introduces The “Agent 47” Edition

Packaged inside every launch copy of Hitman 2,  Veteran Gamers can enjoy beautiful hair and a strong feeling of accomplishment.  No need to wear a disguise, let the world see the radiance of manly hair.  Those who Look 47, can feel 47, even if your are 47.

 

Snapchat Evolves

Snapchat introduces Snappies.  An interactive Snapchat App that’s great.  The Best.  Top Game Publishers have all signed on-board for this intuitive breakthrough.  Snappies is a premium service that feels free, because it gives users freedom.  Pay $5.99 a character for use in a single snap. “What better way to Make every moment count, by actually charging for it?” -Zip Bogey, Intern.

 

Fast News Bulletin (Powered By Itchie’s Foot Rub)

• Geoffrey The Giraffe was seen passed out in the Toy Aisle at a Memphis Walmart.  His condition is unknown.
• Avengers 4: Oh Snap is projected to make money on opening day.
• Telltale Games: Madea announced for 2019.  Lands first on Switch.
• Health Alert: People who Game in Boxer Briefs are more at risk for Chicken Pox, Measles, and Gluten sensitivity issues.
• Backstreet Boys and Blackstreet form Super Group 2 Street.

Key Actors Join Halo-Themed Showtime Series

Katt Williams and Kevin Hart to play Covenant Grunts Rascal and Pennyworth.  Showtime Networks informed The 8-Bit Troll, This is more than just a simple voice acting job.  ” We wanted our Comedy Kings right on the front line.  It takes a serious amount of Heart to film an action scene in our show.  Thankfully that’s something Kevin knows all about.  Katt’s no slouch either.  If you like real s@#* it won’t get better than this.” -Pringle Davidson, Showtime

Titans Impressions

 

I’ve seen homeless men perform covers of purple rain better than this even while drunk off Robitussin! Humbug! My expectations are usually low for everything, but damn.

Alright I know it’s been awhile, but my message remains the same.  Stop Having Fun!