For Readers 14 and up
Gremlik here. So my trip to 3E 2016 was quite enjoyable. I did right by Reggie, had a couple of Grand Slams at the nearest Denny’s. Finally, I was able to apologize for biting him in 2014.
Told the man I was happy with Sony and Microsoft’s presentations, and was wondering how Nintendo would top them. He said: “Greeny, we’re only showing two games this year.” Immediately I lost my cool and bit him again. Even harder this time! Mo Chocolate did his best to calm me down, it didn’t work. Thinking maybe 3E just isn’t for me. Well I still have my favorite games listed on here somewhere. Scroll around!
Warcraft Movie Review
There’s no better feeling than bootlegging a movie from your phone. It actually renders the best possible visuals. I was able to enjoy this rich world, and characters with a heightened-frown on my face. The fashion in-which director Duncan Jones showcased my Orc brothers, was quite impressive. As usual, The humans underperformed, so I couldn’t wait till the film shifted back to the other guys. As videogame adaptations go, I still love The Wizard as best, but this movie looked prettier than Wanda Sykes in a Two-piece.
Warcraft Gets 5.4 snots out of 7
Tinder App Review
You know I’m upset where technology is right now. Nothing is clear anymore. I know what the app is for now, but initially I thought it was a firewood delivery service. The lady I had talked to (Shameeka), told me she was going to “heat-up” my place. Although I received several requests immediately, I didn’t need the app for that. It goes down in the Abyss, but it still gets cold! Couldn’t tell you how Tinder works, but if you need lumber look elsewhere.
Tinder Gets 1.7 out 7 snots
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3E 2016 Game Thoughts
The Last Guardian (PS4)
Never heard of it but it looks interesting.
Jumping Intelligent Zucchini Zebra (XO/N-Gage)
In a freak accident a Fit-Scientist, Zebra, and a Zucchini all get fused together into the perfect recipe for crime fighting. This game comes across as difficult to master, with its character transforming at random. However, being America’s favorite detective shouldn’t be an easy feat. Be ready to get yourself out of any pickle this October. It could be coming to Nintendo NX. Probably.
Horizon: Zero Dawn 3 (PS4)
Horizon looks amazing. What other game lets you freeroam online as Dinosaur racers, with 4 lads to boot!
God of War 4 (PS4)
Naughty Dog’s God of War looks sweet fam. #Beards
Zelda: Breath of The Wild (Wii U/NX)
Again, still angry that Nintendo didn’t show me other games.
I expected more from the sequel to Sunset Overdrive. Yeah the protagonist is the same, but where is the fun?
Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare (PS4/XO/PC)
Well this was pretty nifty, but it’s really just a typical Friday Night for me. I’m proud of Activision stepping it up a tad on their new game. Gave it a look-see, but after spending a weekend in Vegas with the Cuphead Guys, Infinite Warfare seems rather drab.
The biggest game I refused to let others play at the event, was Jetfrag from Middle-Finger Interactive. This retro-themed multiplayer shooter is on dedicated servers, but it lags on purpose to simulate Dreamcast and Xbox Live connections of old.
“Buddy, It’s like a constant stress test, and we all know how much fun those can be. Cancel on a hot date, clear your calendar. Make room for Jetfrag: Combat Delayed.” -Davey Nickels of MFI.
For Honor (PS4/XO/PC)
This is how life is between Humans in my realm, so this made feel right at home.
Long as he’s not dancing in the streets like an emo we’re good.
Battlefield 1 (PS4/XO/PC)
I don’t know if it was Snoop Dogg standing next to me, but those graphics looked amazing in Battlefield Uno. His cannabis influenced effervescence may have played a part in my experience. BF1 definitely gets my Best in Show Gunk-Boulder Award.
P.S. Not even gonna lie, We got high. I haven’t been that lifted since kicking it with Toe Jam and Earl at the 95′ Source Awards.
Stop Having Fun. That’s It.
Trolled By Vex and KJ