For Viewers 14 and up.

Out of the Abyss, I’m Gremlik! The 8-Bit Troll you need to know.  What did I do since these goofs at Play Legit woke me up early? Well, I watched Fantastic Four.  It was an exceptional movie.  Be sure to pay full price.  Watch it in 3D even.  Bring a date.  Here is some info I found in August.  Let’s get this over with.  I’m Dizzy!

Nintendo Is In Aggressive Discussions Concerning Their Cinematic Universe

Nintendo wants its characters immediately in The Marvel Cinematic Universe.  First being in Captain America: Civil War.  This is an opportunity for both worlds to collide in a logical scenario.  Issues may arise as the screen time all characters receive has to be juggled properly.  As part of the lucrative deal, all Nintendo characters must appear in every Marvel movie until 2027.

Sony PlayStation Backwards Compatibility Announced

In response to the half-baked attempt by Microsoft to offer backwards compatibility, Sony Provides you with a real remedy.

“You don’t want to play where you were at, where you are at.  What you want to do is play where you were at, where you are at.” -Chil Yung Pham, PlayStation Rep.

PS4 owners, all you have to do is buy the Playstation 3 Console, and the entire library is accessible in its original glory.  We welcome you back home with open arms.  Why have an emulation program taking up your hard drive space, when you can have an entire system at your disposal. It plays Blurays.

Cosplay Kinection

With the rising costs of transportation and rooms, Microsoft humbly offers you a unique experience.  The company has teamed up with various cosplay conventions, giving you the opportunity to attend any event via Kinect.  For a measly $59.99, customers will scan their costumes, sharing them using the “Cosplayacon Hollywood Upload Studio App”.  In a press release, cosplayacon designer stated that: “As an introvert myself I thought the only place that felt like home were conventions.  Then I thought to myself again, what better way to feel at home, but at home.”

Assassin’s Creed Movie Adds On

The Movie stars Michael Fassbender as Aguilar.  People were complaining, that no pre-existing characters had been announced thus far.  However, we have the confirmation that Ezio Auditore will be part of this blockbuster.  Played by Joe Pesci, this version of Ezio is seasoned.  Gamers who played through Assassin’s Creed Revelations know what to expect.  “Pesci has been training 6 days a week.” Says director Justin Kurzel . “Cardio, Weight training, you name it.  Truly intense sparring sessions with Anderson Silva and Chuck Liddell have taken place”.  Joe Pesci wants to sway the fears of doubters, by letting them know he’s played all the Prince of Persia titles to prepare for this role.

Alan Snooze

Snooze is a direct sequel and spiritual successor with a twist.  Priced at $30, This horror game will keep you on guard, even when you’re not ready to play it.  The high-end pricing is justified, as Dreams are like desires, they never end.  State of the art cloud saving abilities, innovative gaming on the go.  Use GPS tracking and global leaderboards. The game will wake you up at random hours, to simulate the main protagonist’s life.  Regardless of if you’re in deep sleep, work, or driving, gamers will be prompted by the screams of John Lithgow to return to the game.  Alan Snooze automatically maxes out your tablet’s volume settings so you wont miss your turn.  Guaranteed.

Ad: Time Magazine Virtual Reality

 Rock Band 4 Platinum Edition Announced

Musicians can pre-order The “Rock band Quatro: Viva la Raza Platinum Grande Bundle”.  This comes with 5 guitars, 5 sombreros, and a bottle of tequila.  The “Orale! Costume Pack” comes at no extra cost.  Mariachi Legend Vicente Fernandez and his famed ensemble will join the cast.  This Special edition releases July 4th, 2016.

Deez Nuts: Lobbying For More Than Just A Tea Party

Sir Nuts needs the middle class support.  We expected him to be at the bottom of the poll, but he’s determined to win by a swing vote.  With very little Tea Party Support steadily rising in the polls, Deez Nuts has proved to be a stiff competitor.  In a brief interview with Barbara Walters, Deez Nuts clarified that he’s not blue, he’s red, but willing to work with both parties.

The Death Star Awakens

“This will cut down on security costs immensely” says Lucas George, A Disney Theme Park Rep.  Experience the disciplinary force of the Sith first hand.  Whether you’re on your worst or best behavior, everybody gets an opportunity to be a part of history.  We may never know what it feels like to be Luke Skywalker, but we can immerse ourselves in the anxiety of a Stormtrooper who works for a tyrant.  Expect the Real Life Death Star to greet patrons immediately as the Star Wars theme park opens.

Globox’s Information Leaked On Ashley Madison. 

It’s no secret (especially to TMZ viewers) that Globox often makes it rain in adult establishments.  Hopefully his talents can help him put out the fires this damaging news has set.  Mr. Box’s information appeared on the list as a part of the Ashley Madison hacking scandal.  In a eight-hour public statement aired on live TV, Globox named and apologized to all 650 of his children.  His wife Uglette only made one comment: “The only place he’s going to be using his powers now, is on the couch.”

Back To The abyss people.  I’ve had it.  Stop having fun.

Trolled By: KJ and Vex