Out of the Abyss, I’m Gremlik! The 8-Bit Troll you need to know. Well, at least it’s not March anymore. Not of fan of that month. So here is the info-stuff for April I found.

Life Achievements is The New Killer App For Smartphones.

Introducing “Life Achievements”.  Do anything you think is great in life, then record with your smart device. Walk the dog, Scan it! Yelling four-letter words at your boss, Scan it! Sending desperate pictures through social media? Please, Scan it! Whatever feels right to you. It’s your phone. It’s your life.  Start earning unredeemable points today. Climb the leaderboard now.

Major Mortal Kombat X News

Danny Glover’s famous character “Mike Harrigan” is being added to the MKX Kombat Pack at no additional cost. The point is to give the Predator a worthy opponent. Players were already satisfied this insanely affordable $29.99 bundle, now they have their digital Yin and Yang competitors. Or their Subzero/Scorpion counterparts. Glover will use many of MK fan-favorite Stryker’s special moves, mixed-in with all-new combos.

A Klothing Rental DLC was announced. We were told that it’s just like checking out a suit at Men’s Warehouse. Show off newly acquired outfits for a few days, then bring it back just the way you found it. Fees vary based on player W/L ratios and frequency of usage. The more you wear the outfit, the higher the cost to the consumer.

Pitfall Hits The Big Screen

Dream is adapting the Atari 2600 Classic “Pitfall” into a live action movie. With the Uncharted film nowhere in sight, and Indiana Jones sequel/reboot talks in flux, this makes all the sense in the world. Starring Brad Pitt (as Pitfall Harry) and Sylvester Stallone as “King Dr’Aca” leader of the Dragon Viceroy Clan. Expect Harry to dodge Stallone’s gang in exciting action filled set-pieces. King D’s crew are expected to have telepathic connections with the surrounding wildlife. Crocodiles and Lions to name a few. Their treasure is sacred, so quicksand and other rigged-traps are set up all around the area to prevent outside invasions. Danny Devito has signed on to be Pitt’s right hand man “Mr. Gusto”.  Is the potential treasure worth the trip? We will find out when “Pitfall: The Dragon’s Hand” drops in the summer of 2017.

AD: To Celebrate Star Wars: The Force Awakens, The Publishers have unlocked both Darth Vader and Yoda from Soulcalibur 4 for all to enjoy.

A Landmark Controller Has been revealed.

In the advent of useless technology, a product has finally achieved the pinnacle of invention. It has been years of failed attempts. No more taking your hand off the controls to quench your thirst. Have your cake and eat it too with “The GUG” Gaming Controller Cup Holder.  Now you can throw hadokens, and master quick time events all while keeping your throat moist.  The first 200 buyers will be able try out the custom Fight Pad-Food Plate.

Guitar Hero Live: Career Mode Details

Progressing through your career will be a long trip worth taking in GH Live. You won’t instantly perform in front of large crowds. Players will earn it. Start off playing in exciting areas such as Baby Showers, Retirement homes, Payless Shoe Store openings, and Family Barbeques.  Coop options allow for another guitar hookup, a harmonica ($79), and an accordion ($499). Each accessory comes with sleek Jet-black USB cords.

New Star Wars Battlefront Mode Announced

A Jar Jar Binks mode will be coming shortly after launch. This Team deathmatch variant for Star Wars Battlefront raises the stakes. Players will compete with Quadruple Experience points up for grabs. EA is concerned with the user having a balanced online experience. So, to make things fair, the losing team will not receive any points, and each player will be forced to play as Binks for a weeks duration. Standardized button commands will then be replaced by your favorite Jar Jar Binks quotables.

Back to the abyss! I did some damage this month. Anyways, Stop having fun.

#8BitTroll @PlayLegit

Written By: Vexamillion, KJ, and J. Valdez